What Is Cunnilingus?
I, like many women, was extremely intimidated by my vagina. The thought of my partner sliding down between my legs, their beautiful face so close to my lady parts, scared my pants right back on! I eventually became very comfortable with this sexual activity, but in conversations about it with other women and men, I found that they were also having trouble understanding and preforming cunnilingus. Some were frightened like I was, others were frustrated from lousy results.
The world we live in is brimming with sexual misconceptions. For instance, media rarely portrays sexual activities in an authentic way. Do not inhibit yourself yourself from learning and experiencing such a fabulous act of pleasure. So enough with keeping quiet and censored, let's bring on the dirty talk! Well, unfortunately not that kind!
What Is Cunnilingus?
Cunnilingus is basically the act of sexually pleasuring a female orally. This usually involves stimulating the clitoris, vaginal opening, and parts of the vulva with the tongue, lips, gums, teeth, nose, and hands. For consenting and slightly adventurous women receiving cunnilingus, gentle anal stimulation (water-based lubricant is highly advisable) is also incorporated. (If you want to know more about anal sex, check our review about anal condoms.)
Though it is possible for a woman to climax during intercourse or purely vaginal stimulation, many find that they can come better, or exclusively, by cunnilingus. This is not to say that women do not benefit from sex! Sex without a woman's climax can still be fantastic and satisfying.
As with intercourse, there are several positions with which you can use to perform cunnilingus on a woman. Some offer support and comfort for the persons involved, while some may assist with the activity itself. Experimenting with various cunnilingus positions can ensure optimal pleasure for both parties, and can be a fun process altogether.
- Missionary: Similar to the familiar sex position, the woman lays on her back, legs apart, while her partner pleasures her. Missionary is particularly comfortable for the female as she lays, completely supported by the bed or pillows.
- Doggy Style: Again, similar to the sex position, doggy style has the woman on all fours. The partner can lay down and stimulate her from underneath, or from behind.
- Sitting: The female sits on a chair, or the end of the bed, and her partner can pleasure her while resting on their knees. This is a convenient and comfortable position for both the partner and the woman.
- Standing: This position is a little difficult as the height of both the partner and the woman influence the sex act. The woman stands, while her partner is on their knees, and cunnilingus is preformed. Minor adjustments might have to be made, if the partner can't reach their face to the woman's vagina, they've got a little problem!
- Sitting On The Face: The partner of the woman lays down on the bed or any flat surface. The woman gets on her knees and bends to "sit" on the partner's face. This gives her more control than the other positions. The partner also gets a wonderful view and can add more motion and force by helping her move.
- Sex Positions Featuring Mutual Stimulation: Sexual positions like Sixty-Nine allow the woman to stimulate the partner orally while the partner stimulates the female. While it may be a little difficult concentrating on your own pleasure whilst pleasuring your partner, mutual stimulation is an exciting method to try.
Health Risks Of Cunnilingus
Though the rate of contracting sexually transmitted diseases and infections is significantly lower with cunnilingus than intercourse, the risks are nonetheless apparent and should be minded. Bodily fluids are exchanged while this act is preformed, posing the hazard of transmitting gonorrhea, chlamydia, HPV, AIDS, and other STDs.
Plus, if the woman has a nick from shaving or another type of wound, or if the partner has sores, scratches, or even bleeding gums in their mouth, the chance of contracting an infection is doubled.
How to avoid STDs when giving or receiving cunnilingus is simple: be careful! Make certain you and your partner are completely disease free and have a clean bill of health before you partake in anything sexual! Regular check-ups and STD testing are extremely detrimental to you and your partner's health and sex lives. Healthy and disease free bodies make for delicious sexual experiences!
How To Be A Cunnilingus Master (How To Eat A Girl Out)
Step 1: Talk It Out, Then Eat Her Out
To say that communication is key to every woman's orgasm, you may find yourself laughing. "Communication" seems to be the answer for everything. Are you angry with your partner? Communicate. Are you confused about something? Communicate. Do you want to give good head or climax as a result? You guessed it, communicate!
Many people are rather uneasy about sitting down and having an adult and serious conversation about what turns each partner on, what they prefer the other do, what places are pleasantly sensitive, etc.
While whispering your sexual fantasies or preferences to your partner before bed can severely assist debunking the mystery of satisfaction, you do not have to lay there and force yourself to say naughty things that might make you feel uncomfortable. Trade communication in for some good ol' fashioned listening.
Step 2: Ears Can Be Sexy Too
Ever commend yourself for being able to pick up on someone's innuendos? For instance, if your mother talks about how much she likes the scent of a particular candle, you later purchase it as a gift for her birthday because you knew she really wanted it, even though she didn't ask you flat out. (Bet you never thought you'd be thinking about your mother while reading an article about cunnilingus, huh?)
In all seriousness, if you can't pick up on people's mild suggestions, start practicing to listen and observe them more. If the woman doesn't tell you specifically what she wants or likes before you preform cunnilingus on her, you may be able to figure it out on your own.
When you are "going down" on her, watch her face and listen to the noises she makes. Subtle "oo's", heavy breathing, and "ahs" are dead give-aways that whatever you are doing should be continued or repeated later on. Similarly if you do something and she makes a sound in pain, you know to stop and refrain from replaying that gameplan.
Step 3: Mind Over Matter
While I am not personally fond of calling cunnilingus "eating a girl out", I do love how it puts a certain image into your head. As much as we might wish preforming cunnilingus on a woman was as effortless as eating an icecream, her brain and vagina work a little differently and require a lot more than a couple licks and nibbles.
As a woman, I can definitely report that our thoughts and emotions significantly impact intercourse or sexual activities we experience. Sometimes this can be a good thing, other times, it can devastate the activity.
A significant example of our minds ruining the experience is our being influenced by the stigma surrounding the idea of cunnilingus. Not only are women conditioned to be hyper-critical of our bodies, many think that their vaginas are ugly. While a man's penis is an external sexual organ, women's vaginas are protected and hidden "inside" lips, causing some to feel vulnerable, especially when it comes to cunnilingus.
The vagina is a woman's most intimate part of her body. Cunnilingus involves her partner's face getting all up in it! She may fear that the sight of it, the smell of it, the taste of it will disgust or offend her partner. How horrible is that?
I cannot express this enough, put her mind at ease. If the woman is not calm, worry free, and into the moment, she is going to become overwhelmed and tense. Even if she still allows you to go down on her, her heart and head won't be in it and you might not have a fruitful experience.
A woman about to receive cunnilingus absolutely needs to know that you enjoy doing it, that you want to do it, and that it provides just as much pleasure for you as it does for her. She needs to be told how beautiful and sexy you think her vagina is and that you love and take pleasure in the way she tastes and smells.
The point is not to plead a long case to completely alter the way she feels about herself or cunnilingus. Instead, you need to make it blatantly evident that preforming cunnilingus on the woman is the most important thing at that moment, you genuinely want to take as long a time as she needs to climax, and she is worth the effort.
Step 4: She Needs To Be Aroused
Before you begin to preform cunnilingus, a little foreplay will go a long way. *Note: Cunnilingus is not foreplay, leading up to the big event of sex. Cunnilingus is an event all on its own, completely separate from sex. She needs to be aroused before you go down on her, so start with kissing and cuddling, whatever gets her in the mood.
Once she is aroused and ready for you to get between her legs, do not make the clitoris your direct target. Though it does play a huge role in cunnilingus, the clitoris is extremely sensitive and too much or rough stimulation can be painful. Touch and kiss her inner thighs and continue arousing her.
Step 5: The Main Attraction
Finally we have come to the grande factor in making a woman come. Start by slowly caressing her outer lips with your tongue, making your way to the center of her vagina, and use vertical licks on her inner lips. Picture a line running down the middle of her vagina and then gently lick up and down this line.
You can lightly insert or simply tough your tongue to the vaginal opening, or even insert a finger to massage the inside. If you can recognize her G-spot, use it to intensify her arousal.
When you make your way to the clitoris, do not neglect the commissure (the spot above her clitoris). This is also a very sensitive place and when a small amount of pressure is applied, stimulating the internal tissues of the clitoris. When stimulating the clitoris itself, be tender and consistent with your tongue.
*Tips:
- Use your gumline (not your teeth) to stimulate the commissure.
- Don't be afraid of employing your nose and fingers when your tongue needs a break (or use thrusting vibrator).
- Hot breath feels wonderful to many women, so let out small breathes when licking.
- Though cunnilingus is not a "blow-job", suction can be used. Sucking on her clitoris or other parts of her vagina can provide a different and fantastic sensation.
- Avoid having dead hands. If you are not using your hands for support or additional stimulation, use them to touch her. Caress her thighs, breasts, stomach, butt, or other areas.
- Use different parts of your tongue like the tip and the flat top.
- Remember, your enthusiasm for cunnilingus puts her at ease. Show her that you are also enjoying the act by simply releasing a soft moan every so often.
Step 6: The Climax
Though some women enjoy alternating between tempos of licking and such, you might want to keep a steady pace when she exhibits signs of a nearing orgasm. Trust me, it is completely understandable to increase your intensity when she is coming close, but changing what you are doing or speeding up might halt the results altogether.
When she likes what you are doing and is about to orgasm, stay on target! After she comes, try to avoid extra licks or further clitoral stimulation. The clitoris become particularly sensitive after climaxing, so instead of jumping right into another activity, hold her for a few minutes so that she can cool down.
Cunnilingus should not be a selfish sexual act. Though you will find yourself excited and aroused, cunnilingus is all about her. Finding what sets her on fire and taking all the time in the world to fulfill her needs will ensure a gratifying and pleasurable climax.
After cunnilingus it's time to try a new sex toy, learn how to use cock rings.
